On Being Soft in a Hard World
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde
Somewhere along the way, softness became something women had to defend. As if tenderness was a weakness you needed to apologize for. As if feeling things deeply was a flaw to be managed rather than a gift to be honoured.
I have met women who have worked so hard to appear unbothered that they have forgotten how to be moved. Who have armoured themselves so completely that joy cannot get in along with the pain. Who wear toughness like a coat they put on so long ago they no longer remember what they look like without it.
I understand why. The world is not always kind to women who feel. We get called too sensitive, too emotional, too much. So we learn to make ourselves smaller. To process grief quietly. To celebrate victories modestly. To need very little so no one has the chance to withhold it.
But I want to make a case for softness. Not because the world deserves it — sometimes it does not. But because you deserve to live in a body that is not constantly bracing. You deserve to love people with your whole chest. You deserve to be delighted by small things without feeling foolish.
Softness is not the absence of strength. It is what strength looks like when it no longer needs to prove itself. It is the woman who has been through enough that she knows what actually matters. It is the grace of choosing to remain open in a world that gives you every reason to close.
Protect your softness. Not from the world, but for yourself. It is one of the most radical things you can do.